Sometimes I wish I could just like— delete everything… ugh.
cause you know, school ends for the semester.
But for now I need to rant a bit so just scuttle on by lovelies.
yeah… thank you anon. It means a lot to see that someone cares..
Hahaha… I am the first girlfriend he’s completely cut off???
Fuck Mario, you still have Paula on your facebook and you went so far as to unfollow me here for christs sake…
Hahaha… I am literally that little a shit to you. A year. Over a year. I did everything I could for you. I bought you video games. I paid for gas. I paid for food. Physically I was yours in ever way you wanted me. Every ounce of my free time I gave to you because I couldn’t stand not seeing you for longer than a day and you used to love that—
1- I did a dumb thing involving glass bottles that used to mean the world to me.
2- This dumb thing injured a boy who meant and still means the world to me. (I thought I’d warned him enough, apparently not.)
3- He told me he should have left me 8 months ago, that he couldn’t stand me, that he was done with me, that I used my emotions as a weapon, that I made him suffer, and that if I keyed his car he’d call the cops on me. I was also informed yet again that he had taken the relationship onto his shoulders and was, /again/ refusing to be truthful with me. (I spent a lot of time with hospital workers this week (see following) and I was told: “Woman? They can change. They will change for their man if their man tell them to. Man? They never change. They too macho, too proud. Woman tell them to change, they say they will, but they won’t. Because they think they are right. Men never change. Woman find a different man.” <—My very male nurse.)
4- I’d never key his car, but the cops were called on me anyway because I spent a good hour sobbing in the stairway of my university parking garage wishing to die, or to hit my head so hard I fell into some sort of coma. My head still hurts five days later. No coma.
5- Cops dragged me to the shittiest near by hospital possible where I was baker acted and forced to stay in the adult mental ward for 72 hours. The psychiatrist then saw it fit to add an extra day to my sentence due to my history of depression.
6- One of the patients there decided my name was Rose, I was to be one of his hundreds of wives, and he threatened to snap my father’s neck.
7- Another patient refused to wear pants and played with himself in front of me. A fat bald man with the most disturbing smile I have ever seen. (Seriously, his smile was more disturbing then his fucking cock.)
8- I was told I had a surprisingly low white blood cell count and am now being tested for HIV. Hahahahahaha…! Due to circumstances, I won’t be getting my results until next Friday. My sisters have told me having a low white blood cell count can be caused by stress so I have no doubt that the HIV test will come out negative. I have only slept with two guys. The last of whom was tested extensively after being with me.. So unless he cheated on me afterward (which I know he would not) there is no way.
9- Due to my hospitalization I have missed four days worth of classes and one day worth of work. Including a statistics exam. Even with these days missed and no tools for communication, no one seems to care that I went missing. I’m now feeling lonelier than ever.
10- Something good did come out of this. I met someone I’d spoken to before, two years ago at supercon. She had downed a bottle of sleeping pills due to a boy and the two of us became each other’s support as the week went on. For certain I’d still be there curled in bed and sobbing if not for her.
Sorry for not tagging anyone. As you can see, I haven’t had the best week…
I say right. There are other people out there that think they don’t have to reciprocate in a friendship.
Lol.. funny anon.
At this point though, it certainly feels like maintaining the friendship isn’t the best idea. I’d like to. Again, I had high hopes for her and I was considering her my closest friend right now, but if this is how she’s going to be I don’t know how it’s supposed to continue.
I was talking to Kelly, play by play as everything was happening, and she just kept telling me to get over it and that this other girl was not actually my friend and that if she wasn’t talking to me she was feeling guilty over something or god knows what else just—
the general consensus is that I need better friends.
Including the one specifically talked about.
I like her a lot. And I care about her a great deal than I thought I would. But there’s only so much a certain person should be expected to take, and when its from someone who knows your situation it’s extremely insulting.